Thank-You Notes

2-3 minutes

In today’s fast-paced world, we often forgo formalities. We dash off an email or evite rather than mailing a formal letter or invitation. Similarly, if we need to say “thank you” we often just shoot off a text rather than placing a phone call or writing a proper thank-you note.

At the risk of sounding archaic, I’m advocating for a return of the formal thank-you note, especially for children.

Why? Because saying “thank you” should not be merely perfunctory. Although “thank you" as a response for a compliment, service performed, or a gift should be automatic, it should not be thoughtless.

What’s the difference?

Of course we want our kids to say “thank you” automatically, but thanking someone for their effort, particularly for a gift, requires a little effort ourselves. Frankly, a text message and 🙏 isn’t enough.

Writing Notes ✍️

Writing a note longhand to acknowledge a gift will help your children build the value of thankfulness. To write the note, they will have to spend a few moments reflecting on some basic truths:

1. They weren’t entitled to the gift

2. The giver put effort into making or purchasing the gift

3. Courtesy requires effort

4. Gratitude should be expressed

Writing a thank-you note will help your children make the connection between the gift they were given and someone else’s efforts. They will consequently understand, by making an effort of their own, that effort merits appreciation.

In other words, they will learn that it’s the thought that counts. 

Writing a thank-you note helps kids to appreciate this maxim because their own thoughts will need to be expressed, and they will want to be sure they count.

Expressing Gratitude 🫶

Thank -you notes also help kids learn how to be thankful and express gratitude because part of the note should be to “say something nice.”

A basic structure for a thank you note is:

Dear _____________,

Thank you for the ______________.  I like it because ______________. I will use it when __________. I will think of you when I use it.  Thank you for thinking of me.

If your little writer does not actually like the gift, then you can forgo that sentence, but replace it with another.  For example: Your gift will help me ___________. Your gift will be useful when I ___________.

Even young children can create thank-you notes that follow this model, particularly if you create the structure and allow them to fill in the blanks. It’s good practice for writing the notes themselves.

Developing Writing Skills 📝

A happy byproduct of writing thank-you notes is that your children will be developing writing skills, and I’m not talking about their penmanship. The simple thank-you note structure suggested herein requires:

• An opening

• A topic sentence stating what the gift is

• 2-3 sentences about the gift, why they like it, why it’s useful, how it will help, or when they will use it 

• A closing 

Would you be surprised to learn that this is the same scaffolding as a basic paragraph? And were you aware that this same structure repeats as traditional writing assignments increase from paragraphs to essays?

• Intro

• Topic sentence or claim

• Support

• Support

• Support

• Closing

By teaching your children to write thank-you notes for the gifts they receive or the invitations and hospitality they enjoy, you will be teaching them the value of thankfulness and also developing their writing skills by teaching them to express and support their thoughts in a cohesive text.

It’s a win-win. And that’s something to be thankful for.